26 Jun What Every Leader Must Know About Themselves | Dr. Terrell Tarver
I have coached hundreds of leaders. I have spoken to thousands of people from stages across the country. And I can tell you that the single most common thread running through every leadership struggle I have ever witnessed is this: a lack of self-knowledge.
Not a lack of skill. Not a lack of opportunity. A lack of understanding of self.
The good news is that self-knowledge is not a trait you are born with or without. It is something you can develop — deliberately, consistently, and with remarkable results. And it starts with two foundational things every leader must understand about themselves.
Thing #1: Know Your Strengths — And Stop Apologizing for Them
Most people have a vague sense of what they are good at. Fewer have a clear, specific, owned understanding of their core strengths — the things they do better than almost anyone around them, the contributions that are uniquely theirs.
And even fewer have learned to deploy those strengths unapologetically.
I work with leaders who are exceptional at certain things but spend most of their energy trying to fix their weaknesses instead. Here is what decades of leadership research and my own experience confirm: the highest-performing leaders are not the most well-rounded ones. They are the ones who identify what they do best and build their entire leadership architecture around it.
Know your strengths. Name them specifically. Build a team around you that covers your gaps. And then lead boldly from the place where you are exceptional.
Thing #2: Know Your Triggers — Before They Know You
This is the one most leaders do not want to talk about. But it may be the most important.
Every leader has triggers — specific situations, words, behaviors, or pressures that produce emotional reactions that bypass logic. The leader who does not know their triggers will eventually be controlled by them — in a meeting, on a platform, in a high-stakes conversation where their credibility is on the line.
I learned this in the military. In high-pressure environments, the leaders who made the worst decisions were the ones who were reacting from emotion rather than responding from principle. The ones who performed best knew themselves well enough to recognize when their buttons were being pushed — and had developed the discipline to pause before responding.
Self-awareness around your triggers is not a weakness. It is one of the highest forms of emotional intelligence a leader can possess.
How to Build This Self-Knowledge
- Ask the people closest to you. Not “Am I good at this?” Ask: “What do you see me do that seems effortless for me that is hard for others?” And: “When do you notice me at my worst?”
- Journal after high-emotion moments. What happened? What did you feel? What did you do? What would you do differently? Patterns emerge quickly.
- Take a strengths assessment. Tools like StrengthsFinder give you language for what you already instinctively know.
- Find a coach or mentor. The fastest way to accelerate self-awareness is to have someone you trust hold a mirror up and tell you the truth.
The Leader Who Knows Themselves Changes Everything
When you know who you are — your strengths, your blind spots, your values, your triggers — you lead from a place of stability that is almost impossible to shake. You make better decisions. You build stronger teams. You handle conflict without losing yourself. You inspire trust.
That kind of leadership does not happen by accident. It is built through honest, consistent self-examination.
Know yourself first. Lead others second. In that order, always.
Ready to develop deeper leadership self-awareness in your organization? Dr. Terrell Tarver brings practical, transformative leadership development to teams and individuals. Book Dr. Tarver for a keynote or workshop →
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